


How to be a Dumbass 101

by zodiadraws



Series: Cracky and Chaotic Peter Parker [1]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, BAMF Michelle Jones, Chaotic Peter Parker, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Cute Peter Parker, Gen, Humor, I mean I try, Mentions of Blood, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Midtown High, Midtown School of Science and Technology, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Obvious Peter Parker, One Shot, Peter Parker Is So Done, Peter Parker is a Mess, Sarcastic Michelle Jones, Short One Shot, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28344561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zodiadraws/pseuds/zodiadraws
Summary: "It's ketchup!... Y-yeah" Ned exclaimed"Peter" Mr Harrington sighed, running a hand down his face "Who's blood is that?"OrPeter gets blood on him whilst crime-fighting, and his classmates are worried about him until they realise it's not his
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker
Series: Cracky and Chaotic Peter Parker [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075757
Comments: 3
Kudos: 112





	How to be a Dumbass 101

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic so please go easy on me :') lol jk you can roast me but I'll just pretend I can't see then go hide away like a mole and wallow in my sadness
> 
> that being said, if you see any errors feel free to point this out
> 
> I wrote this bc  
> 1) I've always wanted to read a fanfic like this but have never seen one  
> and 2) you've got to admit that Peter would definitely mess up like this
> 
> There is some swearing so if you're not okay with that you should probably click off

**How to be a Dumbass 101**

In hindsight, a lot of this could of been avoided if he wore his red hoodie today, or even brought a change of clothes. Alas, for some reason the world has it out for him and what happened was _totally due to Parker Luck and_ wasn't _because he was an absolute dumbass who couldn't plan ahead._

...

Totally  
Anyways, because the universe definitely hated Peter and only Peter, he was in this stupid situation. 

And you - the confused reader - are probably wondering what the hell is going on, so let's start back at the beginning.

_Beep Beep Beep ___

__Peter slammed his hand down on his alarm clock only realising a second too late that he'd probably broken it _again_ and rolled out of bed to get ready for school. He brushed his teeth whilst checking his phone to see Ned asking to meet up at the lockers before school started. _ _

__He practically inhaled his breakfast and slipped his bowl in the sink to wash when he got back home._ _

__"You should go deal with that mess on top of your head." May remarked and swooped by to put some things in her handbag._ _

__"Anyways, what would you like for dinner?" she asked, not taking her eyes of what she was doing._ _

__"Anything is good but knowing your cooking skills we'll most likely end up ordering takeout again." Peter said with a sly tone, earning a wet dishcloth to the face that he caught with ease. He hurriedly slipped on his shoes, desperate to be on time for once and called out a quick goodbye._ _

__He walked down the street to the subway station, slipping through the doors at the last moment and settled in for the journey ahead._ _

__oO0Oo_ _

__Peter hopped off as he reached his stop and continued on his way towar-_ _

___-Danger- ____ _

____His spine went ramrod straight and his brown eyes darted around. He strained his ears to hear what sounded like... muffled struggling? Creeping over silently , down two-or-so back-alleys he found a large man towering over a much smaller one, his forearm pressed over the frightened one's mouth, pistol in hand, whilst his other made quick work of checking through his victim's pockets._ _ _ _

____Knowing he didn't have enough time to suit up, Peter grabbed his mask from his backpack (which he webbed to a dumpster) and thanked whoever was out there that he wasn't wearing his Midtown High School hoodie - now _that_ would be a disaster._ _ _ _

____"Hey big guy! I would ask if your mother taught you any manners but even _you_ could figure that one out."_ _ _ _

____Both heads snapped in his direction, the only difference in being that Discount Captain America had his lips curled into a (frankly ugly) snarl. "Shut up spider freak, how's the wardrobe malfunction going for you?" He bit back._ _ _ _

____"Hey! We all have our bad days..." the webslinger pouted, not noticing how off track he was getting._ _ _ _

____The guy, now named Big Steve in Peter's head for obvious reasons, rolled his eyes and turned his focus to the vigilante, then aimed his gun and fired. Peter slid out of the way, almost grazing the bullet and looked up "Guess you're not one for introductions, huh? Then let's wrap this up."_ _ _ _

____He shot a web at the gun, pulling it away and gave a little quirk of the head letting the poor guy know it was safe to run. The man who was previously being mugged let a relieved smile slip out and quietly scrambled away._ _ _ _

_____'Now it was just the two of them' _Spidey thought to himself.__ _ _ _ _

______Advancing toward his opponent, he ducked beneath the fist thrown at him and caught a glimpse of what seemed to be knuckle-dusters. Before he could react, his spidey senses went of and he was slammed against a brick wall by his wrists, and he felt his webshooters being crushed between Big Steve's grip._ _ _ _ _ _

______Fuck_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Why the long face, I'm just evening out the playing field." The mugger said with a vicious smirk. Surprisingly, that remark earned him a fist to the face and Spider-Man continued his onslaught of attacks with a flurry of punches and ended with an elbow to his skull, hearing a sickening crack. Peter winced slightly at the sound but webbed up the unconscious man regardless and made a quick anonymous call to the police letting them know what had just gone down._ _ _ _ _ _

______He pulled of his mask and checked his phone to have a glance athat the time and realised..._ _ _ _ _ _

______He was late _again _____ _ _ _ _

________oO0Oo_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Peter braced himself quickly then let out a breath and eased open the door, face flushed red with the knowledge that everyone had looked up to see who it was. "Heeey Mr Harrington, sorry I'm late..."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"It's fine Peter, just make sure you come to your detention this time" his teacher said, fiddling with the projector. Peter nodded and flushed once again and was almost in his seat when Cindy Moon blurted out, "Is that _blood_?!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________For the second time that day his back straightened and he shot up frantically looking around to see where the mumbling students were pointing. And sure enough there was a deep red patch on his right elbow where he slammed it against the muggers' head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Peter, are you okay! I have to get you to the nurse's office, come on!" His frazzled teacher let out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________'That was fast'_ Peter pondered _'If teaching doesn't work out, he always has a career in the rap industry-__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Peter!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What?.." He swallowed, finally snapping out of it_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"What's wrong idiot, try to come up with an excuse, maybe it'll match your little 'Stark Internship' story." Flash drawled, smug as ever with a self-assured smirk on his face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Shut up Eugene; not _everyone _is so boring that they have to make up stories about themselves," MJ shot back before turning to Peter and setting down her copy of _'Pride and Prejudice'_ , using her phone as a bookmark. "They were asking you to roll up your sleeve, loser." she continued, and arched an eyebrow as if to say ' _How the hell are you going to get yourself out of_ this _one?_ '.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Uh, I don't really know if that's necessary guys-" He squeaked out but barely managed to finish his sentence before he felt another student, Betty Brant this time, come over and pull his sleeve up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Hey!" Peter yelped. Shooting out of his chair, he covered his elbow but the damage was already done._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"What the fuck?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"But there was no wound?.."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Whaaa?!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Everybody! Quiet down, I'll take Peter outside and then we'll get to the bottom of this." Mr Harrington said, ending with a look; urging Peter to go outside so he could check how he'd been hurt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Already standing up, he grabbed ahold of his bag only to be interrupted _again.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________'Ok this is getting really irritating right about now'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Is that blood on your knuckles?" Some random person who Peter; frankly, started to hate right about now, whispered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"What!?" everyone yelled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Peter, wha-" another student started, but got cut off at the very last moment._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"It's ketchup!... Y-yeah" Ned exclaimed_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Peter" Mr Harrington sighed, running a hand down his face "Who's blood is that?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I just told you its ketchup!" Ned scrambled once again causing for Peter to close his eyes and lean back on his chair._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________'Just take me already... please..'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"He must of spilt it on himself this morning without noticing!" Ned plowed on, looking extremely content and satisfied with the 'explanation' he had just provided._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"I know I'm supposed to be on your side for this but ketchup? For breakfast?" MJ strained out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"P-Peter likes putting ketchup in his lucky charms?" Ned said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________A quiet 'He does?' could be heard from the back of the room which everybody rolled their eyes at._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Leeds. Was that a question or an answer?" Flash quipped from his right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Peter was about to start scrambling for an excuse when-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________-Riiiiinngg-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Never before had the phrase 'saved by the bell' have so much meaning. That being said Peter bolted out of the class, the last thing he heard from down the corridor with his enhanced senses being:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Five dollars says he's joined a cult!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on memo because I don't have enough storage space for Google drive :/
> 
> My instagram is @zodiadraws but it's just for art stuff tho. Feel free to dm me for any prompts or ideas!
> 
> I also live in england so idek if I'm using american terms correctly


End file.
